Neko

You have somehow stumbled upon my page! If you know me irl, somehow, or you have a decent opinion of me; please check out this version just for you!. For everyone else, please understand most of this site is probably like 16+. Anywhere with actual nsfw content will have a warning before entering. Please note that there is currently no nsfw on my site, and ergo it is not marked as nsfw. In the future this may change, but in general it is most likely I will simply be Normal about that Old Man. Also, general trigger warnings will be given as needed, but know that I will likely be talking about depressing things! Please use the internet responsibly.

Why the K-hole? Well, in my childhood and in my early adult years, I have tried over a dozen medications for my mental health, mostly SSRIs, SNRIs, and a few meds I should not have been on lol. About a year ago, I was discussing the promising research into positive effects of ketamine on depression, when my partner flatly asked why I don't see if my doctor thought it right for me? After the initial complicated feelings I had, I sought out a referal. I started treatments after my college graduation this late spring, and in combination with specialized PTSD therapy (CPT>>>>CBT, don't @ me), my life has drastically changed. I still have a lot of health issues, which I will likely discuss on my diary at times too.

As mentioned, I graduated this spring, with a degree in biological/biomedical sciences and a certificate in Japanese. Unfortunately, I like anime, although that is not my primary reason for having studied the language, so I am not beating the weeb allegations. More than anime, I love gaming, something I hope to discuss more on on my interests page. Ever since I was a toddler, I've fiended to get my hands on tech of any kind, starting with an NES and leading to the last 8 years of PC gaming. I'm always interested in hearing recommendations, too, and I'll share my lists of what I have enjoyed in the past. I used to play marimba and hope to get back into it, but I also clunkily play the piano and occasionally can draw.

i have agoraphobia. next question

For a serious answer, I simply cannot stand the demands of modern social media for what it gives me. While tumblr and my small circles on discord are largely positive experiences for me, I miss the magic of the old web. I know that's nothing new, but the ever creeping nature of capitalism upon us all really is a bitch.

Additionally, I want a place to share all my thoughts, OCs, WIPs, and collections of things I like, all in one place, but I hate how most of social media handles its posting systems. Not to mention that some of my social media accounts, like IG, are followed by people I know irl and respect. Luckily, my tumblr is shadow banned, because if my irl circles found that, i'd [joke redacted bc therapist said it's bad for my mental health]. Every social media platform or website leaves something greatly to be desired in my internet browsing experience, so I decided I would remedy that with one of my own! I do hope to make new friends via this site, but I'll be happy just to have a nicely organized piece of myself immortalized in amber (insert hbomber guy pathologic).

But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?

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